GRANNIES AND NANNIES

It was “Sassy Take Care of Babies’ Day” –age one and two -- on Friday. I assured everyone I could to it – all day, one day -- I’d be fine. Clearly, Sara Britton’s fantastic nanny of 18 months –Lindsey -- worried about my capability sanity.

That girl does it all, even understands the language Allie Boone speaks -- long sentences in a gibberish dialect. It’s like this two-year-old lived in a foreign country in some previous life. Heck, I’m from Lake City; I should be able to understand any dialect.

Any who, I get text from Lindsey -- the fab nanny -- evening before my summons sitting. The following conversation was entirely text. Everyone should be lucky enough to have a nanny like Lindsey. You rock girl, this one’s for YOU!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lindsey: Are you watching the babies tomorrow? Would you like to know what to do/schedule?

Me: Yes, indeed. Would love to know. Taking them to gym at 9. (Translation- they have babysitters thereJ. Shame on me already.

Lindsey: Perfect –they will love that. Hopefully, they will both have had breakfast by the time you get them and Whit should have had his bottle. Take them to the gym. I would put pull-up on AB while she is at the gym. When you get back around 10, give them a snack. Whit needs a bottle around 11 (7 - 8 oz.) Lunch around 12:15. And then diapers and naps. Whit had his sound machine on. AB doesn’t like hers anymore.  And she goes on… Whit will poop after each bottle. Poop bags in his dresser top right.

Me: Whit may miss his nap at 10, I might be late. Hope I can get him there close enough. Thanks so much. I have everything in writing now. I am already shaking, knowing I WILL be off Lindsey’s schedule.

Lindsey: For lunch make AB a PB&J cut in 4ths, grapes and a granola bar (which are in canister on counter).Whit can have a grilled cheese (bread in cabinet pantry and cheese in fridge-assemble and toast in toaster. He LOVES grapes- cut them in 8ths. Cheerios in bottom of pantry for him too. Whit only takes one nap. Same time as AB. After lunch.

Me: Great! Thanks”J Are you kidding me, I’m not making all that stuff. Do I look like a short-order cook?

Lindsey: Also-you will need to give him a bottle before he naps. (Yes-right after he eats a big lunchJ. AB will need a pull up at nap time too. What! He eats too much.

Me: Holy Cow! Ok.

Lindsey: AB will watch TV all day if you let her. I mostly tell her no. Close all doors-let them play in main areas –it will save your sanity.

Me: Exactly, I got it. No TV unless I am looking for vodka and need a minute to find it. I hope she knows I’m kidding. There is a long pause until her next text. AGAIN, I hope she knows I’m kidding, or am I?

Lindsey: Movies on DVR, or channel 360, Sprouts which will have Calliou at noon (I usually let her watch it through lunch). AB Translations: “Spider”=Charlotte’s Web; “Mouse”= Ratatouille; “Up” =Happy Feet”; “Paint”= watercolors. Just get a dish where plates are and put a little water, ask her to get paper-she will. I think I am done-call with questions. GOOD LUCK!

Here’s how it really went down…..

·        Gym with built-in babysitters (1.5 hours= $6.00)

·        Garrett attached for support (1.5 hours= indoor a/c playground) “Fried chicken house of heaven” –Chick Fillet. Thank you Auntie G!

·        Finally DONE with help outings, we head back for naps-- texted instructions from Lindsey still embedded in my head.

·        Praise the Lord! Daddy Matt in drive-way, waiting to relief relieve me from duty: no diapers, sound machines, DVR settings, or poop bags. No need to search for vodka either, breaking those TV rules. They only drink wine anyway, the kind loaded with tannins. I have GERD, so it all worked out for the bestJ

 Lindsey and Whit

Lindsey and Allie Boone