Conversations: A Day in the Life of a Social Security Office

Holy Cow!  It's the only way to describe last Thursday when I made my first visit to a Social Security office.  I pushed open the glass doors smudged with multiple hand prints, finger prints, and I swear I saw a toe print.  Hubby Dale told me I should be collecting since I was now old enough.  I thought he was kidding, I really did, but he wasn't.  I am old enough. Barely.  Dang it!
I tried to handle this business over the phone, like with every other business in the world.  They wouldn't and couldn't. "Have to come in.....need to see your marriage license from last marriage."  Like I had  multiples marriages. Geez, people!  Can I just say I felt like an elites simply for having all my teeth.  It was a carnival, with more colorful characters than a Pat Conroy novel.  We waited our turn.  Dale listened for our name.  I listened to the people and their stories. I slipped my shining diamond off my finger and into my wallet.  It was seriously out of place. Me too.
Window #1 (a glass petition between applicant and SS employee)
Applicant : This is complicated, you hear me? Stop with the run-round."
SS: "What's the problem exactly?"
App: "Its complicated. Why you typing, stop typing, you  making it more complicated."
SS: "Well, I have to pull you up and see what's going on?"
App: "I'm telling you what happening. You people got my money and near five months. It be complicated."
SS: "Well, it seems we overpaid you by mistake and now we are just holding the money until it is recovered.  You have one more month."
App: "Who fault is that? It ain't my fault, it your fault, ain't it?" ( I think she's right, BTW) How am I suppose to eat? Stop that typing, you making it worse."
I felt so bad for the poor woman.  I wanted to argue her case-- Dale held me down. She needed her $$.  It was their mistake, they could take out a few $ a week from her money and get theirs money back, I say..
Window #2
Applicant: "I got nothing in child support, not one penny."
SS: "How many children should be supported, mam?"
Applicant: "Five in all, but each one has different daddy so you need to get after all of them."
Window #5 our turn: 
SS: "Mrs. Elrod, I see you married Mr. Elrod in 2000. Is that correct?"
Me: "Yes, it is."
SS: "That eliminates you then."
Me: "Eliminates me from what?"
SS: "Your collecting your late husband's social security. You would have to have married your second husband after you turned sixty."  Who knew?
Me: "You mean I could collect from 2 husbands if I hadn't married when I did? Maybe I could annul the second marriage, collect the first social security, and then get remarried?"
She didn't laugh.  The woman next door at Window #6 did.  She liked listening to others conversations too!